The past few days have been so wonderful, I thought I’d celebrate by putting together a new entertainer for you all! And what better than a young adventurous lad with too much black powder lying around. I give you …
Not So Impressive Entertainer # 27 : Peter Blam – The Boy Who Will Never Grow Up
“Due to an unfortunate incident involving rapid acceleration and lack of adequate foundation undergarments, Peter was the only child of Eric (Mr Mortar) and Cindy (The Human Torch) – “The Flying Blamovichs” – a famous circus family.
Being brought up amidst an itinerant lifestyle and enduring home-schooling with very limited exposure to classic literature, he developed as a very lonely, some would say fixated and delusional pre-adolescent. Peter loved J. M. Barry’s classic work, one of the few books in his parent’s library. He was obsessed with “Neverland”, often dreaming he was there – gleefully running amongst the tents and cages with his wooden sword, living the life of a lost boy. Having few acquaintances of his own age, he would often be heard chatting to his imaginary Wendy, or arguing with Tootles about marbles, but everyone was too busy to notice how close he was to losing his own.
Magda, the bearded lady, often suggested that Peter’s conversations with “Tinkerbell”, his bottled glow worm, bordered on schizophrenic and that 2 out of 5 voices in her head were worried about him. She barely noticed the morning Peter slipped away from the communal breakfast table heading for the big top and his first grand adventure. Kitted out in his favourite Pan pyjamas, he climbed into his father’s cannon all the while thanking Tinks for the fairy dust, and launched himself towards the second star on the right, without realising it was merely a tear in the canvas that had yet to be repaired.
The subsequent kerfuffle and tragedy that ensued cancelled the matinee performance. The coroner ruled that the target sponge was not sufficiently wet; Peter’s trajectory was slightly miscalculated because the sight was calibrated for his father’s body weight meaning he would have missed his damp target anyway. Further it was determined that the explosive charge he had inexpertly packed into the cannon was not tamped down sufficiently to prevent flash burns and he was not wearing safety goggles or fire-retardant clothing all of which culminated in a record number of workplace health and safety violations.
Few will forget the unbridled joy of a crackling adolescent voice, exclaiming in jubilation at the top of his voice, from the top of his parabolic flight path “You will believe a boy can fly!” or the totality of the silence that followed the landing. During the remembrance ceremony, a final touching tribute was unveiled – the epitaph on his cremation urn read “Peter Blam – The Boy Who Will Never Grow Up”.”
– Biography by wonko.
I’ve had some suggestions on what to do with the entertainers eventually. My favourite idea is a pack of 52 cards. Each entertainer on a single card – could be a wonderful little idea, I just have to get to 52 of them first…