Skate-tastic

It’s been a while, And here’s another entertainer ( You’ll notice the different Background.  I’m in the middle of moving computers, havn’t got the old template ported yet.  Plus, it’s all going to change soon anyway! ).

Roller Dave

NSIE 28 : “Roller Dave and his Yo-Yo Spiders”

Xanadu was in trouble, there was no doubting it. The final blow was struck when the health department closed the Roller Disco one Saturday evening due to an outbreak of a mysterious and contagious fever. Crippled by outstanding debts, a pending law suit where the resident funky synthesiser trio “Disco Inferno” claimed contractual irregularities, the public’s emerging interest in punk and the outrageous price hikes in roller-skate import taxes, Dave knew he needed a new business venture.

His best mate, Neville, was a keen but socially backward Arachnologist. The prize of Nev’s collection was a breeding colony of little known endangered but highly venomous Maltese “yoyo” spiders – unique in that they cast a stretchy, not sticky web. “Malteeses” use this anchor thread to catapult themselves upon to their prey.

Being a showman, Dave considered himself to be a bit of a mover. He envisaged an act that would subsequently be reviewed as strange, exotic, mesmerising yet tragic. Dave hired session musicians to lay down a groovy track, something funky that would get the audience bopping. He programmed the lighting rig to complement the song, arranged ticketing and promoted the gig through his network of nightclub friends.

On the evening of the debut performance Neville attached a dozen Malteeses to Dave’s favourite polyester suit, then cooled and calmed them, prior to the show. The premise was simple. Demonstration roller dancing, unlike anything seen before, augmented by stretchy spiders that would stretch and sproing as he twisted, turned, lept, weaved and boogied down.

Sadly, mid-performance, Dave could no longer repress his deep-seated Arachnophobia, regardless of how badly he needed the money from the gig or how reassuring Neville had been about Maltese venom being rarely fatal. He systematically squashed, splattered and rollered to death all the attached spiders in one of the most impressive and frenetic, athletically challenging and choreographically inspiring attacks of the heebie-jeebies ever recorded on betamax.

As a tragic postscript, a ripped version, underscored with a “Disco Inferno” compilation, of his one and only performance, climaxing in screaming, weeping rage as he athletically de-spidered himself recently went viral on YouTube, netting someone else millions of dollars and re-kindling world-wide interest in Roller Disco.”

– Biography by wonko

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About aA

I'm a 28 year old Designer from Brisbane, Australia. I've got a keen interest in Motion Graphics, Illustration, and Game Design. View all posts by aA

One response to “Skate-tastic

  • wonko

    Xanadu was in trouble, there was no doubting it. The final blow was struck when the health department closed the Roller Disco one Saturday evening due to an outbreak of a mysterious and contagious fever. Crippled by outstanding debts, a pending law suit where the resident funky synthesiser trio “Disco Inferno” claimed contractual irregularities, the public’s emerging interest in punk and the outrageous price hikes in roller-skate import taxes, Dave knew he needed a new business venture.

    His best mate, Neville, was a keen but socially backward Arachnologist. The prize of Nev’s collection was a breeding colony of little known endangered but highly venomous Maltese “yoyo” spiders – unique in that they cast a stretchy, not sticky web. “Malteeses” use this anchor thread to catapult themselves upon to their prey.

    Being a showman, Dave considered himself to be a bit of a mover. He envisaged an act that would subsequently be reviewed as strange, exotic, mesmerising yet tragic. Dave hired session musicians to lay down a groovy track, something funky that would get the audience bopping. He programmed the lighting rig to complement the song, arranged ticketing and promoted the gig through his network of nightclub friends.

    On the evening of the debut performance Neville attached a dozen Malteeses to Dave’s favourite polyester suit, then cooled and calmed them, prior to the show. The premise was simple. Demonstration roller dancing, unlike anything seen before, augmented by stretchy spiders that would stretch and sproing as he twisted, turned, lept, weaved and boogied down.

    Sadly, mid-performance, Dave could no longer repress his deep-seated Arachnophobia, regardless of how badly he needed the money from the gig or how reassuring Neville had been about Maltese venom being rarely fatal. He systematically squashed, splattered and rollered to death all the attached spiders in one of the most impressive and frenetic, athletically challenging and choreographically inspiring attacks of the heebie-jeebies ever recorded on betamax.

    As a tragic postscript, a ripped version, underscored with a “Disco Inferno” compilation, of his one and only performance, climaxing in screaming, weeping rage as he athletically de-spidered himself recently went viral on YouTube, netting someone else millions of dollars and re-kindling world-wide interest in Roller Disco.

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